Why Romano?
by Spamano4ever
Summary: Romano has convinced himself the world would be a better place without him.


I find myself reading a lot of fics where Lovi is a cutter and tries to kill himself... I have no idea why though...

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**Why Romano?  
**

Romano walked slowly into his bathroom, shut the door, locked it, then sat down on the toilet lid. He lowered his head into his hands and shook. He was half crying, half laughing, insane giggles escaping his mouth in little bursts.

'They don't need me. Life would be so much easier if I just wasn't around. That's why this has to work. It has to.' He thought to himself as he pulled a small knife from his pocket.

'Toni can stop pretending to care for me, Feli can stop pretending he likes me... Everyone will be so much happier after this.'

He opened the knife and slashed it across his arm. It hurt. But at the same time it felt so good. He added five more deep cuts before switching hands and doing the same to his other arm, his hand slick with blood.

Romano stood silently for a minute before whispering out loud, "It's taking to long." He walked shaky from blood loss to the cabinet and opened it. All the different medicine's where there. Just waiting for him.

He smiled as he took one down. It was brand new. Not even open yet. His mind was beginning to go fuzzy.

'It's starting to work. This will help it go faster.' And with that thought, he opened open the bottle and swallowed all the pills. He slammed the empty bottle onto the counter then stumbled back into the wall and slid down to the floor, the medicine already beginning to make him numb.

'Everyone can be happy now. That's good...' Romano fell to the side and his blood pooled around him.

* * *

Spain opened the door to Romano's home with the spare key the Italian had given him. He was worried about his little tomate. He had looked so sad during today's meeting. He had heard many people telling Veneziano how amazing he was for coming up with such a good plan to save the economy, even though it had been Romano's idea. Not that Veneziano hadn't tried to correct them. He always insisted Romano was the one to congratulate but they all laughed before patting his head and walking off. He knew it had hurt his love deeply.

"Roma?" He called. No answer. He stepped farther into the house.

"Roma!" He called again. Still nothing. He began to look in every room. Not finding him downstairs he went up onto the second floor. He got to Romano's room and opened the door.

It was empty, but there was a light on in the bathroom. He stepped farther into the room and noticed a strange sent. It smelled familiar but he couldn't quite place it. He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Roma? Are you in there?" Nothing. No movement, not even a breath.

Spain began to panic a little. He twisted the handle and found it locked. He moved closer to the door and heard something squelch from under his foot. He looked down, but couldn't make out what it was.

He bend and touched his finger to the liquid and brought it to his nose. His eyes widened in horror. Blood.

"Romano!" He screamed. He slammed his body against the door again and again untill it finally came off it's hinges. He rushed in and screamed again at what he saw.

His Lovi. His little tomato. Covered in blood, long gashes all over his arms, an empty pill bottle on the counter. He yanked out his phone and called 911.

He got an ambulance, gave them the address then snapped the phone shut. He moved to his lovers side and layed his head on his lap. Romano was smiling slightly, his eyes half open and completely glazed over.

"Oh Roma," Spain whispered, "What have you done to yourself?" When the ambulance arrived they quickly got him attached to a blood transfusion and sped to the hospital. They took him to get his stomach pumped. A doctor told Spain he was lucky. Being unconscious slows down the digestive system and so the pills where barely even dissolved and they got them all out.

As they where doing all this, Spain called Veneziano. The Italian had started to sob.

"I'm on my way right now!" Veneziano yelled into the receiver before hanging up.

He and Germany arrived about 20 minutes later.

"How is he? Have you hear anything? Oh my god. Lovi..." Veneziano was hyperventilating.

Germany rubbed his back. "Deep breaths Feli," He told him before glancing at Spain.

"They managed to get the medicine out of him. They got him hooked up to blood bags now. They don't know how long it will be until he wakes up. It could be anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days." Spain said softly, staring at the floor.

Veneziano let out a choked sob. "I'm going to see him," He managed to say.

"I don't think we can now. They won't let us up," Spain said sadly. He had been trying for the last half an hour to get in.

"They will let me see my own twin brother," Veneziano said darkly before storming up to the desk.

In no time all three nations where standing outside Romano's room. Veneziano opened the door and they walked in.

Romano lay asleep on the bed, his arms wrapped in think white bandages and an IV in his arm.

Veneziano cried quietly as he watched his fratello sleep. Spain wanted to take Romano's hand and just hold it. But he stayed where he was. Veneziano was his brother after all.

Finally, Germany came over and gently stood him up. "Let's give Spain a few minutes," he said softly. Veneziano nodded and allowed himself to be lead out of the room.

As soon as the door closed, Spain rushed to the bed and took Romano's hand in his own. Tears fell down his face and he cried, not caring if anyone could hear him.

"Oh Lovi. Lovi, Lovi. My Lovi. Please wake up. Please. Mi amour, I beg you. Please be alright. Please." His pleads had gotten quieter as he went on and he ended in a whisper.

He sat silently for a long time. After about an hour, he decided to let Veneziano back in. He stood but as he loosened his grip on Romano's hand, the Italian tightened his own.

He instantly sat back down and leaned forward. "Lovi?" He asked.

"T-Toni? What are you doing here? Where are we?" Romano asked slowly. He was having trouble focusing on anything.

"I'm taking care of you mi amour. We are in the hospital. Lovino, why did you do it?" He asked sadly.

Romano seemed to try to hide himself as he hunched his shoulders. "I-I wanted everyone t-to be happy..." He muttered.

"Lovi, mi querdo, how could you think I would be happier if I didn't have you?" Spain asked confused and saddened. What was going on in his little Roma's head?

"B-Because," Tears began to slid down Romano's face, "I know no one likes me. Not you or Feli or anyone. Even Nonno didn't like me. He left me and took Feli with him... You just pretend you love me. I know you don't. You can't love someone like me. I'm disgusting. I hate myself. You can't love something like that."

Spain's heart ached hearing Romano refer to himself as a thing. But he stayed silent, as his love continued.

"I don't blame you either. Or Feli. He is my brother and I love him, he is perfect in every way. But then there's me. The good for nothing useless one. I can't do anything and he can do everything. But I don't blame him for that. It's who he is. I feel sorry that he has such an awful brother little me. He deserves so much better..." Romano stopped, his quiet tear becoming body shaking sobs.

Without a moments hesitation, Spain wrapped Romano in a warm embrace. He held him to his chest and stroked his hair, Romano's tears soaking his shirt.

"Lovi, I don't know where you got these ideas from, but they aren't true." He looked down at the man in the bed and gently tilted his face up to look into his eyes.

"I like you Lovi. More than that. I love you. Dearly. You are the reason I get up in the morning. You are the reason I keep going. When you where just a tiny nation, England destroyed my armada. You remember that?" He received a weak nod. "I was badly hurt then Lovi. I almost gave up right then and let myself sink into the ocean and disappear. But then, I thought of you."

"M-Me?" Romano asked.

"Si. You. I thought of my little henchman who was waiting for me at home. Who needed me whether he wanted to admit it or not. I thought of you, and I got back enough strength to make it home. You are the reason I am alive today Lovino. You could never be disgusting to me. Never. As for your hermano, I disagree."

Romano looked confused.

"Yes, Feli can do a lot things and yes he can do them well, but there are things he can't do, that you can."

"Liar."

"I enjoy eating your pasta more than his. You can dance better, sing better, cook better. Even if you don't think so, you are an amazing artist Lovino, just as good, if not better than Feli. You can even write music and I've never seen an instrament you couldn't figure out how to play beautifully."

Romano's eyes where wide as he stared at the Spaniard.

"Y-You really mean that? All of it?" He mumbled.

"All of it. From the bottom of my heart, I swear it's the truth," Spain confirmed.

Romano turned his head way and he began to shake.

"Lovi?" Spain asked worriedly. He stood and went to the other side of the bed.

Romano was crying. Sobs racked his body and Spain quickly wrapped him in a tight embrace. The little Italian, surprisingly, didn't try to pull away but instead grabbed the front of Spain's shirt and pulled him closer. Spain rocked his love gently back and forth, whispering comfortingly in a mix of Spanish and Italian.

Slowly, Romano managed to calm down and simply layed against the Spanish nation.

"Te amo, mi querdo," Spain whispered, kissing his forehead softly.

"Ti amo, troppo bastardo," Romano responded with a small smile.

* * *

*shrugs* I don't know. This actually was a different story than what I'd planed. I might write that one to, but not now. I'm a bit sad at the moment... If you do review, please be kind. I do actually know what I'm talking about. Except it was my sister who was Lovi.


End file.
